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zorak2:

boyfrirend: “im going to take you to the sexiest restaurant in town…”

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metropass:

They strolled through the park with their jar of jam, laughing to each other while explaining their jam tales. As they get closer to the tree at the far end of the park, they slowly turn into jam. They lie there, and whisper in unison, “You are what you eat.”

oh my god illuminaya

me n my turtle boyfriend

me: wow ur so hard
him: that me shell

me n my turtle boyfriend

me: wow ur so hard
him: that me shell

error404s:

ok, so let me get this queer

stuck-in-the-frondzone:

enures:

If I punch myself and it hurts, am I too weak or too strong?

Holy fuck this messed me up

koalatea:

i dont need a boyfriend i need 12 million dollars and a donut 

phaserbeams:

I may be obnoxious but at least I’m obnoxious in the tags

gusmen:

"i don’t watch tv" proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet

mormondad:

i completely forgot that you actually have to pay for internet

jellys:

people that point out acne:

  1. pack ur bags
  2. buy a plane ticket
  3. go to hell

pimpdaddytavros:

i want to be rebellious but i dont want to get in trouble